News on a sad note -

We are saddened to report the passing of Bill Cardon, Dawn's beloved father - known affectionately around here as "Daddy B."

Bill and Marjorie have often spent Christmas here in Monrovia, and we will miss his happy smile and kindly ways.

We express our condolences to the family - and especially to Marjorie on the loss of her dear companion.

I have no other details at this time but will update when I get more information.

At least we know that now he has met Jonah!

Big brothers and little brothers - and other late night ruminations

Dawn's family started arriving last week. B.J. - also called Sean - is Dawn's younger brother. Porter seems to have a special relationship with him, and it's sweet to behold.

B.J. actually left this a.m. to go back to Texas, but the other family members who were still here went to Santa Anita for the morning workouts and breakfast at Clocker's Corner. The children stayed home from school today, and after Santa Anita, they all headed off to Disneyland!! It was gray and cloudy all day - we are grateful we didn't have that yesterday. But it's perfect Disneyland weather!! (And I wanted a reason to post this sweet picture!)

I took the day off too - I had plenty to do, but I certainly didn't do all of it. Didn't even do most of it! I found that after two weeks of non-stop needing to do things, I was somewhat adrift. For the first time since Jonah's birth, there was time to reflect on his short little life. I have not really reflected much before now - if there was time to do it, I usually fell asleep!

I need to process all that has occurred, and I need to sort out what kind of impact it will have. Some of that impact will just happen. Some of it will be directed by my thoughts and intentions. I mostly find myself thinking about the events - they keep running through my mind. I love looking at the photos, re-reading the blog posts I have written and those others have written. I simply have not ever had such a life-changing experience before. I thought that getting married, having children, finishing school, moving to new locations - these were "life-changing." Weren't they?

But they were and are ongoing events. This little life has had an ending - at least an ending here on earth. And as I have said before, I am not the same person I was before. I don't especially want to be the same person. I want to be more aware, more sensitive, more intuitive, more connected. More like the kind of person who will be there to greet Jonah. More like the kind of person who will always keep his memory significant in my life. More like the kind of person Jonah was.

"The Bustle in a House"

There is a poem by Emily Dickinson that says,

"The bustle in a house
the morning after death
is solemnest of industries
enacted upon Earth -

The sweeping up the heart
and putting love away,
we shall not want to use again
until eternity."

I'm not sure it all applies here, but after Jonah's passing, after our goodbyes, after the arrival of the Hospice nurse, and after the arrival of the representative from Zook, there was a kind of "bustle" as we "put things to right."

Sean and Emily enjoying the show!

The equipment was gathered up, awaiting the Vitas worker who picked them up. Some things were tossed in the trash, some things were gathered up for the memory box, some things were just put back where they belonged.

Whitney, Luke, Emily and Katie

The next day Harry assembled Porter's new desk, and Dawn was busy sorting toys and books and finding new homes for the items that were displaced from the old toy cupboard. I can identify with sorting and cleaning to take your mind off things and to give you a sense of order and control.

Harry William and Uncle Joe!

The last few days have been spent making funeral preparations. The service is tomorrow. Many of Dawn's family are here - and what a blessing that is. We have enjoyed visiting, helping with the children, eating - the food keeps coming - that's one part I will really miss!! And for some of us, it's been a time to get to know members of Dawn's family that we've only heard about until now! And to re-acquaint ourselves with the others.

Marjorie, Dawn, Annette, and Julie

Eve had a competition - Harry took her and she felt good about her performance.

Other family members - like Erika and Frances - have arrived.

We aren't really "putting love away" because much love is being expressed, but we are sharing memories of Jonah, and storing up these memories to comfort us in the days ahead. And we are waiting for eternity and planning for being with Jonah once more.

The ever-expressive Miss Isla, letting us know what she thinks!

Once again, our heartfelt thanks to all who are so supportive - every expression of love sustains and uplifts us all.