Big brothers and little brothers - and other late night ruminations

Dawn's family started arriving last week. B.J. - also called Sean - is Dawn's younger brother. Porter seems to have a special relationship with him, and it's sweet to behold.

B.J. actually left this a.m. to go back to Texas, but the other family members who were still here went to Santa Anita for the morning workouts and breakfast at Clocker's Corner. The children stayed home from school today, and after Santa Anita, they all headed off to Disneyland!! It was gray and cloudy all day - we are grateful we didn't have that yesterday. But it's perfect Disneyland weather!! (And I wanted a reason to post this sweet picture!)

I took the day off too - I had plenty to do, but I certainly didn't do all of it. Didn't even do most of it! I found that after two weeks of non-stop needing to do things, I was somewhat adrift. For the first time since Jonah's birth, there was time to reflect on his short little life. I have not really reflected much before now - if there was time to do it, I usually fell asleep!

I need to process all that has occurred, and I need to sort out what kind of impact it will have. Some of that impact will just happen. Some of it will be directed by my thoughts and intentions. I mostly find myself thinking about the events - they keep running through my mind. I love looking at the photos, re-reading the blog posts I have written and those others have written. I simply have not ever had such a life-changing experience before. I thought that getting married, having children, finishing school, moving to new locations - these were "life-changing." Weren't they?

But they were and are ongoing events. This little life has had an ending - at least an ending here on earth. And as I have said before, I am not the same person I was before. I don't especially want to be the same person. I want to be more aware, more sensitive, more intuitive, more connected. More like the kind of person who will be there to greet Jonah. More like the kind of person who will always keep his memory significant in my life. More like the kind of person Jonah was.