Received word this morning that my cousin Paula, daughter of my Uncle Paul, died after a courageous battle with cancer. She is shown here with her brother Craig and his wife. Paula is in the dark top.
She is shown here with her younger sister Kim in the blue, and her older sister Pam, in the flowered top.
All these photos are from a Clayton reunion, but I'm not sure which one - I'm thinking maybe 2007, but I could be wrong.
There are some ironies here - at least to me. We were never close to our cousins, on either side of the family. There are lots of reasons given for the lack of closeness, but I suspect it had to do with many factors. For one, we had a very large family and didn't often have a car that fit all of us. For another, we had a large family in a small house - for several years anyway - and I think family members felt like they were imposing if they came. I also suspect no one really wanted to invite a crowd like us over for dinner or anything. My grandparents usually came to visit us!
Uncle Paul came to the reunions until his death almost 10 years ago. These photos are from the one year his kids did come, and so we mostly saw them at "events" like wedding receptions, funerals, and anniversary parties. When we did see one another, we were certainly friendly and cordial, but we didn't have a whole lot in common.
About 2 years ago, Paula began responding with comments when I posted old Clayton family photos. This correspondence grew, and I sent her old photos, cards, and letters. She shared her cancer story - 2 years ago they said she was terminal, so she did gain some dearly appreciated time. She was able to see her son married, witness the birth of some grandchildren, and spend time with her family and husband. I am really grateful that I was able to re-connect in this way with her.
This morning I saw a post that seemed to imply that Paula had passed away. It wasn't like a direct announcement, and if you hadn't read through it, you might not perceive that she had died. So I called her sister Kim, whom I actually know better because she used to live in SoCal, and asked her. Kim told me that they had known that Paula was not doing well, and in fact had been in a coma, but she hadn't been notified by anyone of her death. Then Kim's daughter called her and pointed out the FB post to her - so they took it down until all were notified.
(I recall when Ry Nebeker died, I didn't want to post anything until the family officially announced his death. I think that's important to keep in mind when you want to rush to put something on FB - be sure you're are not being premature in your endeavors.)
I had tried to figure out several times how to stop by to see Paula - perhaps on a drive up to Oregon - she lived in Northern California - but it never worked out - we kept flying up there. I just didn't think of it the year Harry and I had our "road trip" to Oregon either. So I am sorry that I hadn't seen her in awhile.
But I am certainly grateful that I was able to maintain a meaningful correspondence with her at the end of her life. Time is so precious - we truly don't know how much of it we have.
