A sweet farewell -

My sweet mother died tonight.  I don't think I always referred to her as sweet - I'm sure I used to use adjectives like bossy or nagging - when I was young and ignorant!!

In retrospect, my mother was about as good as a mother could be!  She encouraged me all the time to be a good student.  She taught me homemaking skills I wasn't sure I wanted to know.  She set a wonderful example of spirituality and obedience. She assured me all the time that I could "do it!"  She could be counted on to be her, who she really was - all the time!  I think that was the greatest blessing of all.

And tonight, as we were sitting around her bed, singing Primary songs and hymns, reading our favorite scriptures, telling stories and sharing anecdotes, she quietly slipped away from us - and it was almost seamless.  One minute she was breathing shallowly, and the next she was not.  

We all feel blessed and privileged to have been there for the start of her next journey.  We were quipping that Dad probably came and said, "They're all busy chatting Mary, come ahead with me."

Heaven is a little brighter, the earth around me is a little dimmer tonight.  But God's in His Heaven, and "all's right with the world!"

The Way Things are These Days!

My mother has always been a major part of my life.  Even when I lived away from California, I was in regular contact with her.  We've been back here in California for over 37 years now, and our lives have entwined pretty regularly.  

The above photo was taken on her 90th birthday.  We have gathered over the years for visits, Clayton Family Reunions, baptisms, baby blessings, weddings, funerals, and birthdays.  Starting a few months ago, I have come on Mondays and Tuesdays to spend time with her and to allow Donna to go and do things she wanted and needed to do.  

I am certainly glad I started doing this, because I have gained a lot from the experience - gained knowledge and insight that is already serving me well.  For starters, I began asking mother questions about her life and wrote down the answers.   I have a little treasure trove of memories at my fingertips now!

Right now Joan is in Chile and Alice is in Korea.  But Donna, Mary, Leslie, and I have been working together to provide the care and assistance that Mother needs now. The recent realization that what we thought was arthritis is actually a possible cancer that is eating away at the bones in her neck has necessitated some significant changes.  

Little by little we are taking care of details - palliative care, dependable care-givers, support needs - and thankfully all 12 of us are on board and supporting one another.

But sometimes when I think about it, and think about the inevitable, I am sad.  Not because I lack faith.  And not because I don't know that there is a plan of happiness.  And not because I don't believe in forever families. But I am sad because a chapter is ending. I am sad because I can't take away the pain and discomfort. I am sad because time is marching on  - truly marching on  - and we cannot call it back!

Fortunately life marches on too - and we can move forward with it!

"Mother of mine!!"

Just spent a lovely evening with my mom - sometimes I reflect on the many memories I have of my mother, and they span so much time and so many different events and occasions.  I am sad sometimes that I don't have photos of these events - photos are not essential - but oftentimes they help bring back an event - or help it stay vivid in your mind.

I truly know how fortunate I am to still have my mom in my life!

And I'm taking more pictures!!

And speaking of pictures, here's a photo of the kids who made me a mom.  Even I of the many words cannot find words that adequately express how much I love them and how meaningful they are in my life.

I will keep taking pictures and recording the good times!!

And here's the best part of all - grandchildren!!  I love them all so much - those here, those yet to come, and sweet baby Jonah who could only stay briefly.  As I count them off, I am filled with joy and happy memories of times we've shared.  They are the icing on the cake!  The filling in the Twinkie.  The surprises in the Christmas stocking.  The treasure under the tissue paper.

They are the best!

That wonderful mother of mine - and Dad too!

Grandma Helen is not always keen about having her picture taken - I could find no recent shots of her alone.

This one from last Christmas is a particular favorite of mine, so I will post it once more.

I was reading on Facebook where Anna Fifield talked about losing her mom when she was only 14. And then a friend posted that she had lost her mother when she was 8. I don't know that I have always appreciated what a great blessing it is to have had a wonderful mother's influence for so many years. You would think that hearing my father mourn the loss of his mother over the years would have helped me keep these thoughts in perspective. But it has taken time for me to know the great blessing a mother's love is.

I have probably told this story before, but I recall as a young teen worrying every time my mom went to the hospital to have a baby that she would die. Women stayed for ten days - sometimes two weeks - and you didn't call and talk to her either. My dad went and visited each evening and just came home and reported. I would imagine that someone wasn't telling us the truth.

I started worrying when my grandmother once said, "I wish your mom wouldn't keep having babies. If she dies, I can't take care of all of you." Later Alice asked me, "Is Mom going to die?" I remember saying I didn't think so - but I worried after that.

I recall thinking that if I could make it to 21, I wouldn't worry about it anymore!! Ah youth!!

But she has been with us almost 91 years now - and I've had almost 66 of those years. I would be lying if I said I always appreciated her. Over the years, I have come to realize how faithful and strong she is. I have come to realize that she loves and cares for each one of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I have come to realize that she was a good wife. I have come to realize that she is willing to serve. I have come to realize that she is wise because she has lived long enough to learn many things - things I think the rest of us think we know - and we really don't! I have come to realize that she loves beauty. I have come to realize that she appreciates each day.

Mostly I have come to realize that she is a wonderful blessing in my life - and always has been - even when I wasn't appreciating it!

I'm afraid if I left it to Harry to get something posted about his mom, it might not happen. So I will tell you what I have come to know and love about Grandma Helen.

She too has lived a long time - and is wise with the wisdom of years. She is faithful - each day, she puts her life in the Lord's hands and trusts Him completely. She too has a great love for each of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She has known sorrow and loss, but she also has a sure knowledge of the blessings of the atonement.

I first met her when Harry was on his mission. Jim came and picked me up and brought me to the house on Emery for dinner. Grandmother Taylor was living with them. Watching her loving care of her mother was a sermon in itself. Seeing her faithful efforts to entreat the Lord to lead her husband to the waters of baptism was inspiring. The loving care she gave to Genieve for so many years was service in action.

And I loved how she would find a shoe she liked and would buy a pair in every color - a woman after my own heart!!

Let's hear it for Mothers - and Mothers-in-law!!