Flicked out for the evening.

Here is some large type for Harry's benefit. Monitor challenged and all that. Yes, we flicked out for FHE tonight. Hotel Rwanda. Good call, Eliza. One of the more depressing aspects of the film was arriving home, getting ready to log on to this very site and my eye catching the headline about police and troops going on a rampage in the Sudan. I am convinced that one cannot depend on one's government for certain core virtues, among them being kindness. I don't even think that is an indictment. It is just political reality. Once we become accustomed to the notion that "laying hold on every good thing" is done independently of government, then we can begin to choose some truly worthwhile activities. Love the system. Just hope we never have to rely too much on it. I mean, think how long it took politicians to acknowledge, for instance, that the extermination order was probably not a very decent thing.
FYI: Kenneth Turan recommends (from Sundance) "Shake Hands With the Devil" (I think that is the right title), a documentary about the Canadian UN guy portrayed by Nolte in H.R. Sounds interesting.
I think I will to bed. Unlike those with active minds, I feel like sleeping.

Note the following:

U.N. Clears Sudan of Genocide in Darfur
February 01, 2005 1:53 AM EST
UNITED NATIONS - Sudan's government and the Janjaweed militia are not guilty of genocide but did commit mass killings, torture, rape and other atrocities in the Darfur region that merit the trial of suspects in the International Criminal Court, a U.N.-appointed panel said in a new report.
The panel's report, released Monday, sets up a possible showdown with Washington, which opposes the court and has demanded perpetrators of the violence be tried elsewhere.
The crisis in Darfur, which has killed more than 70,000 people and has affected some 2 million people, has gripped world attention but also drawn calls that international leaders are again standing by while a people is exterminated - as happened in Cambodia, Rwanda and Yugoslavia.
While the United States has labeled the destruction genocide, the U.N.-appointed panel of five lawyers said that there appeared to be no clear evidence of "genocidal intent" against the people of Darfur. Still, it said the atrocities committed there were horrific, and spread the blame among the government, the militias and the region's rebels.

Ahem....

Happy people!

Happy people!
Originally uploaded by HiniBinini.

So, this was the only picture that I could find that was somewhat relevant to.. anything. I think we all look really perky and at our best in this picture.

I love this blog, guys! I laugh out loud each time I read it, I promise. And it makes me so happy to see everyone advancing in the wonderful world of Blogger. But where's Noah..?

So, school is going well. Life is pretty good. The weather is fantastic... it was WARM yesterday! We emerged unscathed from a little downpour a few days ago, but the sun has been out for a couple of days. It's nice.

I also have two new roommates. One is a Young Ambassador... enough said. The other one... has a stealing problem. haha. Oh but it's FUN! I just laugh because these girls are the polar opposite of me. Well, not THAT opposite. They are certainly no comparison to Neesha (refer to Eliza for her roommate with mental problems)... but they do sing a lot and go to bed at 9 every night and bake cakes at 6:30 in the morning. I don't understand it.

I'm in the process of completing my application for the film program, as most of you know. But... some may not know that it's going a lot better than anticipated! Apparently, my advisor is an old friend of Mom and Dad's from the U, AND she was Harry's advisor back in the day. Good old Sharon S. I have high hopes. Oh yeah, and it looks like I'll be graduating on time. With some credits to spare. YES!

Speaking of film... I go to these media arts forums (last week's guest speaker was Kip Dynamite... "dang it!"... not as funny in real life), and this week's guest was WAY cool. His name is Greg something or other, and he graduated from the film program in 1996, moved out to Pasadena and went to Art Center (seems to be the trend for BYU grads) for his MFA, and got all these weird jobs like driving limos, etc... anyway, he ended up working for a guy who sponsored him with a bunch of projects. His biggest break, however, came when he did his home teaching. haha. I'm not sure where he and his wife were living at the time, but his home teachee was a guy named Arthur... Arthur "Killer" Kane used to play for a hair band of sorts in the 70s called The New York Dolls and then joined the church after they broke up... they reunited last year because Morrissey really liked them and wanted them to do a show... anyway, my point is, Arthur was like "hey, my band and I are reuniting this year, want to document it?" Now there is a documentary called "New York Doll" about Arthur's journey... it's at Sundance and it is getting a lot of good publicity... it's sold out every night! We watched parts of the movie during the forum... he talks about how he works in the temple, and other church things without being super-overwhelming. A nice blend. He sounds like someone that would be in Bonny and Bruce's ward, haha. But... he died last July. Complications from leukemia, or something.

Anyway, the point is... you get blessings for doing your home teaching. haha.

That's all the news from the inter-mountain west. I hope all is well.

Where is the muse when you need her?

I am studiously avoiding a great deal of work. (And Mr. Kaufman would be horrified at my use of the term "a great deal." He always painted a word picture when anyone used it - he would say "I see a very large hand, hanging in the air, holding a full house or something.")

Nonetheless, I have not worked on my lesson, nor written an editorial (any ideas folks?), nor even done the R.S. Newsletter that I usually crank out on Friday afternoon. We even skipped a wedding reception - I said I'd go but your dad was teaching a lesson with the sister missionaries. Your dad is a GREAT missionary. I have a lot of correspondence to catch up on - try Christmas cards and thank you notes - should I confess this to this audience?

I did go to the library and check out "Patience and Fortitude" at Kacy's suggestion. And I did browse through the Friends of the Library book display and found a book I had donated!! And I did fix dinner. And I did finish "The Broker." And I did check my email. And I did take your dad to pick up his newly fixed up truck. And I did answer the phone the gazillion times it rang as I was trying to read!! And I did NOT eat any of Noah's chocolate chip cookies!

Ciao!

Another Wild Friday Night at Our House

Ahhh, the kids are in bed, well not really. Ara just got up - she can't sleep. I can identify with that. Not now, but at her age it was hard to sleep sometimes. Maybe I'll let her stay up and read. Is it better to stay up late reading? or stay up late laying there getting frustrated?

Hmmmm.

I helped in Ella's class again today. I'm the spelling test lady. It's fun. Ms. Cook lets me bring Esme' and Annika. I have to say they are better behaved than some of the kids. Anyway, Ella got 100%. She hasn't missed any yet. I think that's cool.

I had a moment of pride last week. For Ara's book report she chose Betsy and Tacy Go Over the Big Hill. She chose this on her own, absolutely no encouragement from me. I was rather surprised she chose it, she's been on an American Girls kick. She did a great job on her report. I made the end of it - I got stuck doing a spelling test and ran in late. I felt badly (grammar?), but Ara seemed ok with it.


Well, I'm off to bed I guess. I should do the invites for Ara's baptism, (hope to see you all there) but I don't know if I can rustle up the energy. Maybe I'll pick up Betsy-Tacy. I just finished Al Capone Does My Shirts and Ballet Shoes. I guess I'm on a kid lit fix.


Good Night.

A Rainy Friday Afternoon

1983 was a wet winter/spring. I remember because that is when I was pregnant with Eliza - I had a red and white striped maternity sweater that I wore a lot. And it rained when Eliza was born - we brought her home in the rain I think.

This is looking like it's going to be a wet winter/spring also. Funny what 22 years can bring!! I am going to make hot chocolate, eat some of Noah's chocolate chip cookies, and read Grisham.

Rain drops keep falling on my head . . .

It's raining again in Sunny Southern Cal - not surprising - we get this every 20+ years or so - beats an earthquake. But it's gloomy and my students are crochetedy - and not because I crochet in class either!!

Went to give blood and they rejected me!

Had to give blood and they rejected me!! (it was for an Eagle Project)

Had to attend a very long, boring meeting after school - and I'd forgotten to bring my crocheting! (that seems to be the only way for me to get through anything these days!!)

I also have a scratchy cough - hack, hack.

I'm off with Dad to pick up my car! TTFN

"I Hope They Call Me On A Mission...."

News Release: Fran and Dee Doney have been called to serve in the Hartford, Conn, Mission. They enter the MTC (I suppose they go there too) on Feb. 28th. They don't know yet if they will be in the office or out in the field proselyting or working with members or what. I think the hope is that they are not in the office. But really, I spent a year and a half in the office and it was quite enjoyable. Anyhow, life in the Doney family will not be the same again, that's for sure. This will bring to 100% the members of Harry and Helen Terrill's immediate family who have served full time missions. Bravo!

Au revoir comite

Tonight was the last night of my class! It is required for the CLAD credetially (for the uninitiated CLAD stands for "Comprehensive Language Acquisition Development" and is now required of all teachers in the state of California.)

However, on February 10th I start my next class - one of 3 more I need to finish the 2nd level of my Special Education, mild to moderate disabilities, K - 9 credential - and it is called "Implementing Special Education Legislation." Maybe Matt and I can have legal conversations or something! It actually sounds boring - I had the Special Ed. issues classs 2 years ago and we discussed lots of case studies, etc. Pretty tedious. There are too many education classes that are fun. But I can crochet during class - since they allow eating and cell phones on vibrate I figured I could crochet!

I would give a lot to take a lit class or something - but not the $425 a unit they charge at APU!!

out of the mouths of babes

This will be short since Annika is cranky and it is hard to type with one hand.

Esme' is our new culinary adventuress. This morning we found her rummaging through the pantry. She had eaten a boullion cube (chicken flavored). She thought it was "pretty good".

She is also our fashion maven. In my attempt to be a not so boring mom of 4 I wore a scarf as a belt with my jeans. She said," Hey Mom, I like your pirate seat belt."

You know , it's the little things.

A New Wrinkle

My new truck! Well, it was new. And I am still making payments on it. And it kind of smells new still after I get it washed and waxed. But it doesn't look too new now. Here's how it happened....
Early yesterday morning I was in a bit of a hurry to get out of the driveway (I had backed in all the way up to the garage, since I am remodeling that space into an office--wait until you see it!), but as I was going past the side door I thought I would just stop for a nanosecond to drop an empty water bottle onto the stove. You know, the stove that is so confused that it thinks it is now a shelf in the carport. So I stuffed the truck into park and jumped out to drop the bottle, except I only stuffed it into reverse, so when I jumped out the truck went backwards, the door caught on the stove, and by the time I stopped it the door was opened way wider than it has ever been. Ever, ever. So far open that it kissed the front fender. Smack! Now it will neither open nor close. I hate it when that happens. So much for being in a hurry. And for being a little too concerned about order in the cab.
The goal now is to get the truck to a shop before the cats discover the new sleeping quarters and begin to stake out their territory.

1st Annual Grandma's Slumber Party Held

The first annual Grandma's Slumber Party was held here at 428 North Primrose Friday night. Ara and Ella were here along with Ellen and Emily Ogilvie and Molly and Emma Meier. A wonderful time was had by all - and Ara is already asking about the next one - so we may be calling them the Quarterly Grandma's Slumber Parties.

Heather Meier, mother of Molly and Emma, said that I was a saint to have little girls over when I didn't have to. And I didn't feel saintly and I had fun. I figured it out though. When Bonny was 8, she had the first and last Terrill Slumber Party. I thought it was awful, no one would sleep, etc. Well, Phoebe was a baby at the time and Harry was 6 - so when the party was over, I still had little kids to take care of. The beauty of a Grandma's Slumber Party is that when the party is over, it's over and the kids are gone (except Ara and Ella stayed and we drove them home in the evening, but they are no trouble to have around.)

So if it's not what you spend all the time doing, it's fun to do it for awhile. There is probably a lesson to be learned here - life's little experiences are that way. And I loved watching "Ella Enchanted" - I had not seen it and I liked it - snappy music too! (Emily Ogilivie brought her soundtrack with her - and Emma Meier brought her American Idol Barbie - complete with Karaoke machine!!)

When Does Age Not Matter

I think, therefore I am - and when I walk home from work, I think a lot - and I think that the thing about blogs is that it really is a genrational thing - I wonder what it would be like to blog with a bunch of other old fogeys like me - then when the youngsters read them, they would feel like sometimes they were reading a foreign language. Just an observation - I'm still a fan. And who better to copy than Dragnet!?

Here I am!!

I realize that I am a little backwards when it comes to technology, but I never realized how difficult it would be for me to post on here. I forgot my usuername and password 3 times so I kept creating new ones, which only allowed me to view and not post, then miraculously I figured out how to find my original usuername and password and here I am!
Henry threw up in the middle of the night. For some reason, he has thrown up 3 different times this winter. It is all very random and then he seems fine a few hours later. This morning he told me that juice is for when you have a cough, water is for when you throw up and milk is for when your tummy feels good. Then he informed me that tomorrow he will have 3 "hugey" cups of water, juice and milk! We shall see.
Calvin needs a little attention. Bathing attention. After a night of spitting up he is pretty foul. So, I'm off to bathe him.
Glad to be back.
Phoebe

And that's the news from .....

Hi Kids. What a great day. Began with a 7AM ward council mtg. (say the Bishop), went through the block (had a great Gospel Essentials class--notes on the Life of the Savior), then had a PPI with the Man again (very satisfying--he listens well), then through the PM, dinner,etc., and ended up with a great home teaching visit to, you guessed it, the Cornwalls. Does the Bishop think I am stalking him? Dunno.
Yes, the garage is pretty empty. Noah celebrated by parking the Volvo in there last night. Pretty exciting. The Monrovia News Post came by and photographed the whole thing, saying that we are one of the first families in the city to actually use their garage to house a car, and they wanted to document it. I will forward the news article for your files, so you can tell the grandkids that back in the day Dad and Uncle Noah parked the car one night in the garage. I heard a piece on Morning Edition referring to it, but the mainstream stations have pretty much discounted it as left wing drivel.
I got a really cool thing in the mail yesterday. Actually, I had ordered it a few weeks ago and it finally came. It is a watch with a GPS feature (really, it's a feature that dwarfs the watch by 500%) that informs you how far you have run, at what speed, and in what time. Really interesting. And gadgety. It even self-corrects for time, I suppose adjusting to a clock in Grenwich or somewhere. Anyway, it will be handy when I start running up the road past Trask. I someday want to find my way up by Monrovia Peak.
Speaking of running, I started with a bang but ended with a wimper last week. But on to tomorrow and a new week. And, TTFN.

Sunday Night Ruminations by Mom

I absolutely love Sunday nights before Monday holidays!! I feel so free or something - like we can watch a movie or play a game and not worry about getting up early. So I am sitting her checking out all my favorite blog sites and thinking of clever creative things to write.

Seriously, it's a true empty-nest moment - Noah is at a stake fireside, your dad is reading - I could lie down and read or I could turn on the t.v. The choices are endless - what do you want to bet I fritter the time away!!

Weekend update

Hey Bonny, it's actually very good that you didn't come up this weekend, because our power went out on Thursday. And it has yet to come back, at least in full force.

It was very odd--I wrote this on my own blog but I'll write it here for those of y'all who don't read mine--we came home from work on Thursday and the garage door wouldn't open. "Hmm," we thought. So we went in through the front door and, lo and behold, all the power was out on the main floor--except for the refrigerator and the 2 outlets next to it. (Weird.) We went down to the basement--all the power worked down there. We went up to the top floor--the outlets worked, but not the overhead lights.

A very intriguing problem. We weren't too worried about it, at least I wasn't, until we woke up FREEZING COLD on Friday morning because, as it turns out, the heat was out too. Definitely wouldn't have been fun to visit us at this time of our lives. I really wouldn't have minded the power loss, by the way, if it wasn't in the 20s and 30s outside. (Degrees, that is.) Anyway, our nice neighbor Brian the Electrician came over and fiddle-dee-deed with whatever electricians fiddle with, and determined that it was Utah Power & Light's fault. He did get our heat working on the top floor, though, which is where our bedroom is, so no more freezing mornings (hopefully). Then Matt called the UP&L guy, who came over and determined that we have a "damaged meter base," meaning some mean person probably messed with it. So now Brian the Electrician will be coming back on Monday to replace it. So nice to have these savvy neighbors.

The UP&L man removed our meter and gave us a temporary one to last until Brian comes back, so we have the power we need--lights, etc.--but not enough power to operate the stove & oven or washer & dryer. Oh, and the heat still doesn't work on the 2 bottom floors. So we have the fireplace roaring on the main floor and I'm sitting here in the basement, teeth chattering as I work on homework/blog. It's approximately 50 degrees in here. (Which is better than 50 degrees in the whole house, which is what it was yesterday!)

And that's the news from Cottonwood Heights. Happy Martin Luther King weekend! Enjoy sunny California and functional electricity! Anyone else want to visit? We have lots of blankets. :)

Blood is thicker than water

Well.... a couple of days ago Annika was playing with my face (she likes that) and stuck her finger up my nose. It hurt, but I didn't think much of it, until I wiped my nose and there was blood. And I wiped my nose again, and again. My nose bled for 10 minutes. It even dripped onto my sweater (cashmere!!). I must say the looks on my children's faces were a riot. They were so grossed out, but they did come to my aid. After 5 minutes I decided to lie down in the hope that it would help stem the flow. They were dutiful children and brought Kleenex and wet washcloths, despite the gore.

The moral - be careful around Annika, she might nail you.

Oh yeah - she also got her 2nd tooth. Maybe I'll be able to sleep nights again.

TGIF

I love Fridays!! I am suffering from a case of laryngitis - it is pretty bad - Dawn called me and I answered and she hung up!! I must have sounded like a real "crankcaller" or something. Anyway, we were going to the 4:30 show to see "Hotel Rwanda" which I really want to see, but Dad is hip deep in dust and debris - I fear the 7:30 showing will be sold out - we'll see how it goes. I plan to enjoy this whole 3 day weekend to the max - but we do have to go to Palmdale for Amanda's reception - I'll send along a report. I plan to sleep in, eat a large, healthy breakfast while I read the entire newspaper. Then I will crawl back in bed with a good book. I hope no one calls me!!

And the walls came tumbling down . . .

Dad has truly ransacked the garage - and taken eveything down to the new warehouse. I have pilfered a few treasures into the house - found another stash of yarn - accompanied by old, unfinished projects!! I can't wait for him to get to the rafters - I have gone through the stuff in the garage itself a number of times over the years, but the stuff in the rafters hasn't been touched in quite a while. Who knows what hidden treasures lurk there!?

deja vu

I was asked to go to Young Women tonight to teach them how to crochet. It is hard for me to teach people to crochet, so I'm not sure how much help I was. But several of them did 12 or more inches of a scarf. I had forgotten how much fun Young Women was. When I was first released, I thought, "Great, now I don't have all this stuff to organize and worry about." But it's fun to be around delightful young women who talk and chat and ask questions. And the leaders are fun women too. So after a long day with some less than functional students, it was nice to be with some very functional young people. It is good to keep things in perspective.

Finding the Hard-to-finds

Today is a cold, wet, rainy Sunday. A day any sane person would not go out in - even with an umbrella. But I guess I am not very sane - and I did feel prompted. So I went out - and found 2 of my Hard-to-finds. So now I guess I will pray for rain every Sunday - works for me!!

Rain is falling all around, on the housetops on the ground

That is from a primary song - which we had at home today because Bruce barely made it through the canyon at 7 am and called and requested we stay home.

I guess someone died on pch right after he got off the phone w/ me. Lots of mud and rocks and especially water.

So - we had primary at home. The girls did a great job - it was fun to get back into primary mode.


Re: Hotel Rwanda. I'm so glad Eliza and Matt saw it and liked it. (Notice I said ELIZA and Matt, not Matt and Eliza) Bruce did Cheadle's house while they were in Africa shooting. We are wanting to go and see it - the movie, not the house - (Don was a RIOT on John Stewart by the way) - but there are meetings, or someone keeps getting sick, or it's raining too hard, etc., etc. Hopefully this week it will happen.

Sorry this post is so .... random

Well, I'm off to try and fix the well. I am the new well fix-it person. No one else seems to care whether or not we have water.

Hotel Rwanda

Go see it.



Truly, it was the most moving...movie that I've seen in a long time. I cry in movies, as a rule, any time the violins start playing, but this one made me cry without any violins or, in other words, "cues" that I was supposed to start crying. Basically:

the sheer horror of what happened in Rwanda,
the fact that it really did happen,
the fact that when it happened I was just some 11-year-old girl on the other side of the world who had no clue--
oh, and the fact that it's always happened somewhere, and it continues to happen somewhere, and that nobody really knows how to stop it, and the way we've figured out to stop it--invasion, war, more bloodshed, etc.--isn't that effective either.

All of that was what triggered emotion. I'm impressed when moviemakers can structure a scene so that you're affected by the scene itself, not by some obvious cue telling me I'm supposed to feel something. I don't know if this makes any sense.

I wasn't like sobbing my eyes out or anything. What I mean to say is that it's really well done, and it's a topic everyone should be thinking about, and even if it doesn't make you cry, it's worth watching, because it will trigger some kind of emotion, I think. I found it a very unique moviegoing experience. I think "weep" is an accurate description of what I did. I also began to reconsider my own involvement in the world around me. One review I read of the movie mentioned the comparison made between Hotel Rwanda's main character, Paul, and Schindler of Schindler's List--he pointed out, though, that Paul's heroism didn't come from some grand act, but from little decisions he made in trying to do the right thing.

My compliments to Mr. Cheadle. First time I've seen him star in anything, and I think he did a great job. I'm not the biggest fan of Nick Nolte, on the other hand. But he did an okay job of playing someone you're not really supposed to like, but you kinda feel sorry for anyway. I always love Joaquin Phoenix--enough said.

Anyway. That's my first movie recommendation of 2005.

Listen to clips of the soundtrack here.

View the trailer and film clips here. (Although I wouldn't recommend watching clips until you see the movie, in order to enjoy a more complete experience when you do see it. If you're not going to see the movie--well, then I guess watch the clips, at least!)

Read real reviews of the movie here.

Side note: When Matt and I went to see said movie in Seattle last night, we got our tickets right as the previous show sold out. One theater employee stood next to the line calling "Hotel Rwanda at 7 has just sold out. Hotel Rwanda at 7 has just sold out." People kind of ignored her, so she turned to the girl next to her (another theater employee) and asked, "Is it 'Rwanda' or 'Yawanda'?" Both girls looked perplexed. The second girl said, "I always say 'Rwanda,' but it might be 'Yawanda'."

Just found that interesting. It's only spelled out right there in big letters on the marquee, capital "R." Maybe she was thinking of "Yolanda," as in the female name (?).

While we're updating...

I'm in Seattle. It's cold.

Go Huskies.

I hate trying to think of a creative title

It's the first week of school! Just thought I'd update you guys on some stuff.

-The season premiere of Alias was last night. I waited almost an entire for a somewhat disappointing premiere.
-One of my two new roommates moved in last night. She's a Young Ambassador. Discuss.
-The snow is coming down! Holy cow, I can't believe how much snow there is! It hasn't stopped! Sigh. But it's quite lovely outside. I'll take a picture and post it.
-Some of you may have heard me talk about my very good friend Katie Webb, who is notoriously hard to get ahold of. She finally got a cell phone. You probably don't care, but this is quite an accomplishment.
-I made another hat.
-I have Microsoft Office now. So... if you're feeling like you want to send me Word documents... I can open them up on my computer now, haha.
-Classes are going well. I have Richard Cowan for LDS Temples... he is amazing. Love that guy. German is good, TMA 112 (2nd prerequisite for the film minor) looks like it will be a lot of busy work. Humanities (later American) will be great. Film in American culture... four hours on Tuesday nights. Sigh. Organ lessons... we'll see next week!
-I ran four miles last night. But I almost died from side cramps, so I didn't do very well.

There you go! And off I go to class.

P.S. I look cute today.

Big Mouth strikes again

Does anyone besides Bruce get that Smith's reference?

Hey everybody - some good news, and some bad news.

Annika cut her first tooth.

That is good and bad.

Good - because, well, we all get excited about progress.

Bad - because it makes feeding time more of an adventure. She's a chewer.
Plus teeth just make a baby look so .... old. May be time for Botox for Annika.

So that's the news from Lake Malibu. Where the women are strong, the men are good looking and the children are all above average.

I just don't know what to do with myself

So, I'm the only one at home, so I thought I'd let you know how things are holding up in the Monrov'.

-I have watched approximately one million episodes of L&O: SVU. Only one Criminal Intent, and 5 or 6 original L&Os. By the way, I didn't know that Jerry Orbach died this week! I liked that guy.
-Went out to the Long Beach dance for New Year's Eve. The night, as usual, turned out to be pretty anticlimactic, and I am now $10 poorer.
-I'm all packed to drive back to Utah tomorrow morning. I was counting on having Melanie take two shopping bags of stuff for me (food stuff and whatnot)... but she backed out this morning because she has no room in her car. Thanks. I wonder how she was planning to drive me back before I found another ride. So now I'm going to try to consolidate as much as possible, because I feel really weird bringing so many bags in Tyler's car. Shoulda had Eliza and Matt bring stuff for me... oh well.
-It's still cold outside.
-Dawn is the bomb. She invited me over for dinner last night and made great steak. I'm gonna miss that Texan cooking.
-I am bored out of my mind.

I hope that more people besides me and Eliza start updating on this!!!